Nonsense Cookerature: How to Make a Toothcup Fanfiction
by ChaMeleonNinja812
Summary: Easy to understand and prepare, this recipe guides you on how to make your very own Toothcup fanfiction. Success is NOT guaranteed and your attempt might goad a Legasus to kick your head in. Don't like PLEASE read & FLAME! Bear in mind that compliments are NOT allowed. Thank you.
1. chapter 1

_This particular cowpat was born of my strong distaste for this particular ship._ _As usual, my sincere apologies for any damage dealt to your retinas, sanity, or ego._

 _Go check out Prelude to Summer by LikeaGlintofLight if you're actually into that sort of thing._

 _I read using a posh British accent and almost peed my pants laughing._

 ** _Disclaimer:_** _Contrary to common belief, Osama bin Ladle does not own HTTYD._ _But Dreamworks and Cressida Cowell do._

 _Let the carnage BEGIN!_

 **Hoo tu Make Toothcup Fanfiction**

 _You will need:_

 _1 tooth_

 _1 cup_

Haha no just kidding.

You will need:

 _1 ooc Hiccup_

 _1 emo guy with black hair-I mean 1 ooc Toothless_

 _5000ml romantic cliches_

 _2 cups sexah_

 _350g nowaythatcouldEVERhappen_

 _100000 sievefuls f*ck logic powder_

 _1 orgy_

 _10 tonnes rabid hentai yaoi shipper hormones_

 _4 1/2 tablespoons badd spaling_

 _2 cups grammar worse_

 _60g badd riting skills_

 _vore(optional)_

 _bestiality(optional)_

 _whisky(to taste)_

 _1 revolver_

 _1 prayer(to Gods)_

 _Step une:_

Offer prayer to God(s). Hope for the best.

 _Step twu:_

Preheat oven to 500000. Bake ooc Hiccup and emo-I mean ooc Toothless at 25000000 for one hour or until smokin' hawt.

 _Step treh:_

Whisk hormones until soft peaks are formed. Fold in romantic cliches and noway. Stir gently with a dead stiff possum, gradually adding in f*ck logic. Throw in orgy, vore and bestiality. Cover ears and wait for explosion.

 _Step fur:_

Coat smokin' hawt Hicc and Tooth with sexah. Add to mixture, which should now be bubbling omniously. Whisk briskly using your bare hands until well combined.

 _Step fve:_

Go to the hospital. The unholy mixture has corroded your hands.

 _Step sx:_

Take a shot of whisky to prevent yourself from passing out.

 _Step sven:_

Garnish with badd spaling, grammar worse and badd riting skeels. Serve on fanfiction website of choice with a side of revolting porn fanart cover.

 _Step ate:_

Point muzzle of revolver to your head/chest. Pull trigger.

 _Beta'd by my brother._

 _Uuh...hey...well that got dark fast. Sorry you had to wade in this filth that was even longer than the previous two. I'm sorry for any trauma understandably caused by this...this piece of utter garbage. So, so sorry._

 _Here, have a cookie. I understand_ _that_ _many fanfiction writers give their fans cookies as peace offerings and/or rewards._

 _Here you go_ (: :)

 _Did you like it? I made it using some kind of brown substance which I happened to scrape off the ground. It smelled funky._

 _Haha no just kidding it's a choc chip cookie._

 _Sorry not sorry._


	2. chopter twu

_Hey, it's me again, if that wasn't obvious enough already._

 _So I've just gotten over the nausea understandably caused by...unfortunate circumstances...*cough cough* Valcup Toothcup *cough wheeze* and mustered enough courage to write...this...thing..._

 _Let's just call it "a Humilliation to Mankind"._

 _Once again, HTTYD belongs to Dreamworks and Cressida Cowell, not my cat Zeref. Easy mistake to make, but it isn't._

 _Without further ado, let the thing begin!_

So liek one sonny day in teh highskool au there is like this gurl-not-boi-cuz-gay-is-weird and den she almos felled down tah sters and droop her bookz but didnt cuz liek there wuz dis guy-not-dragun-cuz-if-he-were-it-wood-be-beastellity-an-bestellity-is-weird so neways both of dem were liek su hawt they were liek on FIYAAAH liek the song wutz it called i set fiyah to teh rain nice song but neways HE SAFED HER LIVE LIEK OMG SO KEWLROMENTIK ne then he liek: " omg u su hawt wil u b meh gf" and she blooshed cuz dat liek so ROMANCE n so she bluzhed n sed:

"BAGELS!"

AN so they liek go datin so HAWT liek nosebleding OMG they so kawaii coupel and they datin for 100000 years now they in ooniversity and like one day in kampus he knelled to one knees n took out 9999999 rosez ne A DIEMOND RING OMGOMGOMG imma die so kyuuuut n ask: will u b mai waifu n she blushezd n sed:

"Are you out of your mind? I'd rather get hit by a truck full of terrorists driven by a wookie!"

And so she did.

The End.

 _Uuurgh. I am not going to offer an explanation as this is pretty much self explanatory._

 _I am, however, going to offer my sincere apologies to you for having to wade through this filth AND feel obliged to leave a review. Please flame, if that will make you feel better._


End file.
